On a rainy day

It has been raining quite heavily for the past 2 days. After the blazing summer heat,I guess the rain is more than welcome.The downside is, am down with fever and so cannot enjoy the rain to the fullest(Well,it was too much enjoyment of the rain which led to the fever incidentally..lol). I can just see a small strip of the sky not obscured by trees from the window am allowed to open in my rme(mom's orders hmm).So my view of the rain is limited.

The feeling I've always associated with rain is loneliness. It is not the actual "alone" loneliness but "being at peace with yourself" loneliness. I LOVE being alone,I revel in it.I am not scared or anything to be alone anywhere. Well,that sorts of sounds like am an eternal recluse or something lol. Well,am not yet,but the idea sure is intriguing.Not for long..but little stints like that,maybe in a mountaintop shack (where it snows) or a summer cottage on the beach and all sounds kinda nice :).

Actually I have a plan to buy a house (or houses) somewhere of the sort to go n stay when I get bugged of my normal life,go incommunicado et al. Sounds like fun,for a short time though :). And I wanna go travelling all over the place,you know,start with Kerala,then the whole of India, n then ofcourse,the WORLD..I'll prefer for it not to be as a tour party or anything,I'll be the organiser and the traveller,with maybe 2-3 friends. New places,new ppl etc etc.

Well,I guess that's all. Am in a great great mood today. I am so happy (inspite of the fever),I feel like smiling all the time,I feel as if there is a glow in my heart etc tc for no reason whatsoever. So,am just gonna float some more,watch the rain,read,fall asleep....


P.S- Btw,this is my first post with a heading after a long long time... lol :)

Hey hey hey..... Thats my 100th profile view. Thank u all, who find my meaningless tattle entertaining,or atleast, took some time to go through it,thank u ..

I haven't been writing for sometime.That is because I don't have anything to write about. I just hang around the house and do little else; no reading,no tv,no music..nothing at all. I am in a state of eternal boredom and laziness :). I hope I snap out of this soon..

So long.....

Well, getting settled back at home can be quite an ordeal. I dunno everytime I come home its as if I'd been away for too long and I can't wait to stay at home all day and laze around. But after two days, boredom becomes my constant companion. Oh, by the way my 2 days aren't yet over,coz I had spent the best part of the last 2 days in bed. I seem to have gotten sunstroke or something,you know, the whole swollen face,red eyes, tiredness sort of thing. Its getting better now,though, just a remnant of the red eyes remain.:-)

I saw this movie today, the adaptation of Jane Austen's Mansfield Park. I have only skimmed through that one so far, because of 2 reasons:(1) I'm apprehensive of classics a bit and (2)I can't seem to get past Pride and Prejudice. I hated it at the first read,but then I fell in love with it.weird,isn't it?? Ya,well,anyway, I think this is better. I have this belief that you should see the move adaptation first and then read the book. Else you are bound to be disappointed if the movie doesn't do justice to the book (as I was when I watched the movie Gone With The Wind).So now I can read the novel without any qualms hhmmm:-). Well,anyway seeing the movie strengthens my perception that Jane Austen tended to make all her heroines feminists,which would've been quite interesting in the 19th century England, when and where this was quite uncommon.


I dunno,lately I've been having this urge to travel,as in ,really travel, see new places and all that. But when I think of even venturing out in this goddamn heat,I'm all for dropping even such a thought.The heat is unbearable. All the more disgusting is the constant sticky,sweaty feeling.uughh!!!

I'm waiting for the delivery of my 3 years' worth of garbage couriered from Pune. They had said that they'll drop sms as and when my shipment reaches everyplace, which they so obviously didn't do, and when I tracked it online,the status says 'undelivered because the residence was closed'.What rubbish!! I was here the whole day yesterday and noone so much as rang the doorbell(which would've been quite difficult considering that the gate was locked). But in that case they should've atleast called me right? My contact number was listed prominently on their copy of the bill hhmmm. That was quite irresponsible of them .So anyway I called them and complained and I was told that my stuff would be delivered this afternoon.I hope it really is, this time!!!

So... finally, I'm homeee.....

My final exams are over and I'm home for a long long time...My Msc classes will be starting on September 23rd (Msc Astrophysics,Queen Mary,University of London..Thank u very much..). So till then I get to stay at home. I reached today morning incidentally.

So am having a long long vacation. I've got a lot of plans for them. You know, like gardening n reading n learning german,learning the piano etc etc etc.... I dunno if any of them is gonna work out. I've been here a day and I'm already half-crazed with heat. Its so damn hot. The maid had switched off the fan for a moment to sweep the floor and I was sweating all over the place.

The journey home was as usual boring. I hate train journeys as a rule. (I get the rush when I'm about to reach some place,Pune or home). And to top it off, mom was sick with the stomach flu. She had come to help me pack and all, coz I had 3 years worth of litter around.

So all said and done, am hme for the moment..

I wish I could love you enough,

To let you go,

I wish I could love you enough

To be happy,when you are.

But what to do,

Its this heart which doesn't listen

Its this heart which just

Cannot go on beating

Without your love,

Its this heart which makes me

Hunt up ridiculous excuses

Just to hear your voice

Just to see that smile.

I try, and try and try

To curb its spirit

To stop myself doing things

Which would hurt a lot more,later,

Things, like loving you.

Needless to say,I never win,

I never win that particular battle,

To make my heart stop loving you,

For you are what you are;

Beyond description.

I've heard that

There's nothing like love

That heals all ills

But now I know that

There's nothing like love

That hurts you bad.

Time doesn't heal this pain,

It just gets worse and worse

Till you wish,

You could just bleed and die of it.

My world is not colorful...

Its just got black and white,

And bleak gray stripes...

For colors reflect happiness

And I'm definitely not happy.

Happiness can't be found in loneliness,

For I'm lonely;

I wish I were a shadow,

For then, I'd have someone to follow.

Flowers don't bloom for me anymore,

Birds don't chirp their heads away,

Rain is no more romantic

And dawn is more like a burden.

This is not a life I cherish,

Not one I'd want for anyone;

Never for a dear friend,

Not even for my worst foe.

1) I had a fabulous time this weekend. my old old friend whom I haven't set eyes on for about 6 1/2 years (by his reckoning) came on a fleeting visit. It was really nice. Actually I'm still in its hangover.

2) I do miss having a boyfriend. Not the committment part and sweet talks (urgh! Thank God am over all that), but the ease of having someone to listen to you all the time. You don't have to think twice about calling up, worry about what he'll think about you if you call at some godforsaken time, don't have to choose words when you are feeling blue. its like having an 'honorary' girlfriend.

3) I am essentially a nocturnal creature. Nights are my specialty. The problem with this is that,when I'm in my peak moods, everyone else is asleep. I'll be dying to talk to someone and I'll call up my best friend A. But she is dead to the world as soon as the clock strikes 10. (Btw, I love her so much, she is the single person in the world who knows every single thng in my life. I can say any damn thing to her without fear that she'll judge me by them, no matter however outrageous or absurd my thoughts are. She is really priceless).

4) I was just browsing through my phone's gallery. I came upon my cousin's kid's pic. She is veryyyy cute and an original piece. The kind of tantrums that kid throws!! Anyway, this was a really sweet pic with a toothy smile. i was line " Crap, man!! Why the hell did I grow up??" This is something my friend and I ask each other every single day. Lfe was much simpler when we were kids. Not to worry about anything beyond homework, no crappy boyfriends,no 'staying alone' woes( like laundry and cooking and what not), no project deadlines, nothing. (Now aren't I sounding like an 80 year old Grandma? Nice). When parents say something so 'parentish', we can't roll your eyes and say," Why are grownups like this?" coz we are the grownups now. I don't mind that quite so much though. Like all younger kids in family, I always wanted to grow up fast. But it would definitely have been simpler to be young, fr then everyone tells you what to do. You don't have to burn your head thinking and deciding and all that crap. Yes, life is so much simpler when one is a kid.