1) I had a fabulous time this weekend. my old old friend whom I haven't set eyes on for about 6 1/2 years (by his reckoning) came on a fleeting visit. It was really nice. Actually I'm still in its hangover.

2) I do miss having a boyfriend. Not the committment part and sweet talks (urgh! Thank God am over all that), but the ease of having someone to listen to you all the time. You don't have to think twice about calling up, worry about what he'll think about you if you call at some godforsaken time, don't have to choose words when you are feeling blue. its like having an 'honorary' girlfriend.

3) I am essentially a nocturnal creature. Nights are my specialty. The problem with this is that,when I'm in my peak moods, everyone else is asleep. I'll be dying to talk to someone and I'll call up my best friend A. But she is dead to the world as soon as the clock strikes 10. (Btw, I love her so much, she is the single person in the world who knows every single thng in my life. I can say any damn thing to her without fear that she'll judge me by them, no matter however outrageous or absurd my thoughts are. She is really priceless).

4) I was just browsing through my phone's gallery. I came upon my cousin's kid's pic. She is veryyyy cute and an original piece. The kind of tantrums that kid throws!! Anyway, this was a really sweet pic with a toothy smile. i was line " Crap, man!! Why the hell did I grow up??" This is something my friend and I ask each other every single day. Lfe was much simpler when we were kids. Not to worry about anything beyond homework, no crappy boyfriends,no 'staying alone' woes( like laundry and cooking and what not), no project deadlines, nothing. (Now aren't I sounding like an 80 year old Grandma? Nice). When parents say something so 'parentish', we can't roll your eyes and say," Why are grownups like this?" coz we are the grownups now. I don't mind that quite so much though. Like all younger kids in family, I always wanted to grow up fast. But it would definitely have been simpler to be young, fr then everyone tells you what to do. You don't have to burn your head thinking and deciding and all that crap. Yes, life is so much simpler when one is a kid.

How could I not love you??
For you were, and you are, divine;
One of a kind,forever good,
The kind who gives one
A reason to live.

I might forget to breathe,
Forget to eat and drink
Forget to talk and listen
But never ever would forget how to love you!!

You aren't mine;
You never were, and ofcourse
You never will be,
But I don't mind.

Even if you don't love me,
See or hear me,
It is enough for me
That you exist; for me to love,
For I can't exist without loving you.

They say that the love which is pure
Real and great
Does come back
To the one who waits.

I'll wait here all eternity,
If that were the case,
If not, too bad,but
I'd still be waiting anyway.

I daren't hope anymore,
For it hurts,
When hopes are broken...
I daren't think anymore
For it opens,
That hole in my chest,
Where my heart used to be.
I daren't picture your face
For fear that then
I'll never be able to rub it away.
I daren't remember your voice
For it pushes me down
That dark crevice
Which I'm crawling out of.
It pains to think of you,
It pains not to think
It pains when I'm awake
And it pains when I'm asleep.
Someday, when this pain has numbed,
I'll lock you away
In the chest of memories..
Forever and forever...
SOMEDAY...

My heart still beats on and on
With a sickening thud...
I'm willing it to stop,
It just doesnt listen to me.

I stay on here,
Like an abandoned house,
Like an orphan satellite
Whose planet has been blown away.

I'm alive,but barely
I'm breathing, but sorely
There's no more a reason to live ,
There's no light at the end of this tunnel.

Unrequited love is a bruise on heart,
It carves a hole in the centre
And keeps on hurting and hurting
Till you wish you could claw it out.

Laden with your memories,
I stand here, in the cold wind,
Holding myself together,
Lest I should fall apart.

Oh for God' s sake. For two days, I haven't been able to get anything halfway sensible on TV or newspaper. Its the regular "nautangi" about whether Valentine's day is part of our culture or not,debates and what not. Till now it was the 'shiv sainiks' causing all the trouble, this year 'ram sainiks' have joined the party.(I'm quite sure both Shiv and Ram will be burning with shame at their antics). I honestly feel like telling these ppl "Grow up, for fuck's sake".

I mean, who cares a pin about whether these things are part of our culture or not?? Its just a DAY. If you r saying it is western influence, then so are Mother's day, Friendship day... They don't seem to be having a problem with those!!!!

Then there is this airhead Muthalik guy who wants a law to be passed preventing females from drinking!! I'm like, dude, what the hell's ur problem?? If people wanna drink it is their choice, right??We are a democratic country and all that. Why should you butt in? I read an article today (I guess in the times) about Shiv getting Parvati drunk or something. So the point is, you can't say that the practice of females drinking is not part of our culture. Cumon ya, if Goddeses can drink, then why can't today's "liberated" women??

And ofcourse, the talk of the fortnight,the 'pink chaddi' campaign. It is not the most elegant idea people have come up with so far, but it is hilarious and ridiculous in a certain way(and probably effective.But we'll have to wait till next year to be sure of the results). But it is a brave attempt. Kudos to the consortium of pub-going,loose and forward women:-)...


Just an issue I think I should mention: These Sri Ram Sene ppl are dubbing the clubbing and boozing women immoral,promiscuous and all such things. What exactly do they think their culture is, though?? The Ram sainiks stormed a pub in M'lore and 40 of them, tried to molest 5 defenseless girls and tried to take off their clothes. What does that say about their culture??
And again, I would have no issue abiding with their so called rule set, if all these Ram sainiks and Shiv sainiks and all these ppl who pose as moral police,have never whistled at a girl in street,never made suggestive gestures at them ,never tried to touch them in crowded(or empty for that matter) buses or trains,never as much as winked at them.Only in that case do they have the authority to criticise anybody else's culture. I doubt if there would be even one single person like that for most of them are good for nothing ppl doing all this coz they don't have anything better to do. Freedom of expression is an Indian's fundamental right,and as far as I'm aware, expressing love is not a crime as of now. As far as obscenity is concerned(and purr-lease,holding hands is not obscene),there are sections in the constitution(sec 153 if I'm correct) dealing with them and the police force to deal with them.I really don't think there is a need or a void for moral police in our society.The bottomline is, culture is just a facade, what these ppl are trying to impose is hooliganisam,brute power. On that note... au revoir!!

P.S: Joke of the fortnight was when in a times now debate Sadhvi Uma Bharti said that "Pramod(as she called the detestable Muthalik)" wants to prevent women from drinking coz it is supposed to be bad for their health and that they should do it against men as well. My dear Umaji, are u actually so innocent to think that those who smoke and drink don't know that these affect their health adversely??Wow!!

Disjoint things I feel like writing anyway...:

(1) I saw slumdog millionaire. Nice movie, definitely worth a watch. I couldn't find the greatness quotient in it though. the guy is quite 'awkwardly' cute. But frrankly, I didn't get the fuss about its music. It is good, but not great. Rahman has composed better..lol.

(2) I've been reading books like a dervish, lot of paperbacks and a serious one I didn't like. Here's the verdict:

Bourne Ultimatum,Robert Ludlum-thrilling

The Prize,Julie Garwood- good

I find some similarity between Lady Nikolaa and Scarlett O'Hara. Well,she's a bit of Lady Lara Croft too:-)

Dance Upon The Air,Nora Roberts-Sweet

Sisters,Danielle Steel-Sweet

The Afghan,Frederick Forsyth-reading in progress. It is interesting at first, but then becomes weary.

Chronicle of a Death Foretold,Gabriel Garcia Marquez-boring. Maybe its his worst book,I dunw. I didn't like it neway.

You Are Here,Meenakshi Reddy Madhavan-trash. The writing style is careless to the point of being incoherent. But I could connect to some of the things.

To be the Best,Barbara Taylor Bradford- Wonderful.I'll have all that one day too.

Twilight,Stephenie Meyer- Fantabulous:-)

New Moon,Stephenie Meyer- fitting sequel to twilight. Now I cant wait to read the other 2 in the series, eclipse and breaking down.

(3) I spent half of a night trying to pacify a friend who had downed a can of beer. He was laughing like crazy and making absolutely no sense. Finally I slept when the sky began to lighten and woke up a few hours later,feeling hungover. I attributed it to the general weirdness of my life lately.

(4) Who says girls are enigmatic?? I haven't yet been able to figure out what makes guys tick. Sometimes they are all nice and lovey and the next time you look,they'll be like snow princes. Also there is the other variety who are so incessantly sweet that it makes you sick. It could also be the fact that I'm a magnet for weirdos and the general insane.So I have decided to take a break from intergender socialization unless I find someone fun and Interesting forever.

Ya,Well,that's it.

I love staying alone.

You know,the whole having my own space sort of thing. But sometimes I feel so lonely, especially when my roommates are away. Howmuchever I try to shrug it off, it is nevertheless true that nw and then, even I need human companionship:-).That is quite a revelation, you know.

I feel all bottled up and generally suffocated. I had this 'disease' in 1st year and I'd more or less gotten rid of it last year. But apparently it has come back to haunt me now. Normally I go for long walks then, to vent away all the frustrated energy and clear my head. When even that doesn't work and I so badly have to talk to someone and my favourite choices are unavailable, I dust up the phone nos of some friends with whom I share a kinda good rapport and give them a missed call or message. More often than not,noone cares to reply.Then i get quite pissed off and am like 'OK,No one wants to listen when I wanna talk. So I'm done with being everyone's agony aunt.' Then I sort of 'blacklist' that person and stop talking till he or she contacts me first. I try twice ir thrice before this blacklisting and end up hating myself for caring. You know what, most of my friends consider me sort of a counselor-cum-loveguru-cum-agony aunt;a shoulder to cry on,pat their backs and boost their morale,that sorta thing. And a other times they are like "huh,d I know u?" This is what pisses me off like hell. And I just don't understand why do I care. So now I've taken to actually deleting the numbers of such people from both handsets I own(and ofcourse I don't have a backup address book). This does allow me to avoid a dent on my self respect.

Howzzaattt!!!