In Memoriam M -Part 2

To M....

I know I can't hold on to you forever. I know I'll have to let you go at some point. And believe me, I've been trying,and trying hard...

I didn't just shrivel up and cry when you left all of a sudden, I didn't stop living my life, as much as I wanted to. For the past 5 months I've been trying my damnedest, trying like hell to just be normal, to go back to what I was before you arrived. Don't get me wrong here, my life has been all the more better because you were there, but now, when you are not there, I find it really really really difficult to live with even your memories. It is especially difficult sometimes. Some days it takes everything I have, every ounce of willpower I ever possessed to just get out of the damn bed and go about my business.

I never gave up on anything, not even the hope that you will ultimately come back some day... not yet...even when I know that the place you went is a place from where no one ever comes back...the eternal home from where there is no return. I still hope because that is the one thing I learnt from you, to hope even in the most impossible situations, to never give up on anything...I'm doing everything I can to move on... I can't be free of you, I never will be and I never want to be.. But I want this all-blinding pain in my chest to end, whenever I think of you, I want this lump which crops up in my throat at the mention of your name to go away , I want my tears not to flow every time I think of our times spent together...

I know I can't hold on to a dead guy forever and keep reminiscing of the good times gone.....But it was a hell of a good time... Thank you for all the memories... thank you for being there for me every single time...thank you for listening to my endless worries and meaningless mumbo-jumbo even in the dead of the night.....thank you for just being YOU...!!!

I love you as I always have,

I miss you as I always will..

But it's time to put you to rest..

It's time to set you free...

I shall think of you,

As free and not as gone..

I shall dream of you

As free and not as lost....

I love you,

I miss you,

But I'm letting you go....

I'm letting you rest at last.....