Well, getting settled back at home can be quite an ordeal. I dunno everytime I come home its as if I'd been away for too long and I can't wait to stay at home all day and laze around. But after two days, boredom becomes my constant companion. Oh, by the way my 2 days aren't yet over,coz I had spent the best part of the last 2 days in bed. I seem to have gotten sunstroke or something,you know, the whole swollen face,red eyes, tiredness sort of thing. Its getting better now,though, just a remnant of the red eyes remain.:-)

I saw this movie today, the adaptation of Jane Austen's Mansfield Park. I have only skimmed through that one so far, because of 2 reasons:(1) I'm apprehensive of classics a bit and (2)I can't seem to get past Pride and Prejudice. I hated it at the first read,but then I fell in love with it.weird,isn't it?? Ya,well,anyway, I think this is better. I have this belief that you should see the move adaptation first and then read the book. Else you are bound to be disappointed if the movie doesn't do justice to the book (as I was when I watched the movie Gone With The Wind).So now I can read the novel without any qualms hhmmm:-). Well,anyway seeing the movie strengthens my perception that Jane Austen tended to make all her heroines feminists,which would've been quite interesting in the 19th century England, when and where this was quite uncommon.


I dunno,lately I've been having this urge to travel,as in ,really travel, see new places and all that. But when I think of even venturing out in this goddamn heat,I'm all for dropping even such a thought.The heat is unbearable. All the more disgusting is the constant sticky,sweaty feeling.uughh!!!

I'm waiting for the delivery of my 3 years' worth of garbage couriered from Pune. They had said that they'll drop sms as and when my shipment reaches everyplace, which they so obviously didn't do, and when I tracked it online,the status says 'undelivered because the residence was closed'.What rubbish!! I was here the whole day yesterday and noone so much as rang the doorbell(which would've been quite difficult considering that the gate was locked). But in that case they should've atleast called me right? My contact number was listed prominently on their copy of the bill hhmmm. That was quite irresponsible of them .So anyway I called them and complained and I was told that my stuff would be delivered this afternoon.I hope it really is, this time!!!

So... finally, I'm homeee.....

My final exams are over and I'm home for a long long time...My Msc classes will be starting on September 23rd (Msc Astrophysics,Queen Mary,University of London..Thank u very much..). So till then I get to stay at home. I reached today morning incidentally.

So am having a long long vacation. I've got a lot of plans for them. You know, like gardening n reading n learning german,learning the piano etc etc etc.... I dunno if any of them is gonna work out. I've been here a day and I'm already half-crazed with heat. Its so damn hot. The maid had switched off the fan for a moment to sweep the floor and I was sweating all over the place.

The journey home was as usual boring. I hate train journeys as a rule. (I get the rush when I'm about to reach some place,Pune or home). And to top it off, mom was sick with the stomach flu. She had come to help me pack and all, coz I had 3 years worth of litter around.

So all said and done, am hme for the moment..

I wish I could love you enough,

To let you go,

I wish I could love you enough

To be happy,when you are.

But what to do,

Its this heart which doesn't listen

Its this heart which just

Cannot go on beating

Without your love,

Its this heart which makes me

Hunt up ridiculous excuses

Just to hear your voice

Just to see that smile.

I try, and try and try

To curb its spirit

To stop myself doing things

Which would hurt a lot more,later,

Things, like loving you.

Needless to say,I never win,

I never win that particular battle,

To make my heart stop loving you,

For you are what you are;

Beyond description.

I've heard that

There's nothing like love

That heals all ills

But now I know that

There's nothing like love

That hurts you bad.

Time doesn't heal this pain,

It just gets worse and worse

Till you wish,

You could just bleed and die of it.

My world is not colorful...

Its just got black and white,

And bleak gray stripes...

For colors reflect happiness

And I'm definitely not happy.

Happiness can't be found in loneliness,

For I'm lonely;

I wish I were a shadow,

For then, I'd have someone to follow.

Flowers don't bloom for me anymore,

Birds don't chirp their heads away,

Rain is no more romantic

And dawn is more like a burden.

This is not a life I cherish,

Not one I'd want for anyone;

Never for a dear friend,

Not even for my worst foe.

1) I had a fabulous time this weekend. my old old friend whom I haven't set eyes on for about 6 1/2 years (by his reckoning) came on a fleeting visit. It was really nice. Actually I'm still in its hangover.

2) I do miss having a boyfriend. Not the committment part and sweet talks (urgh! Thank God am over all that), but the ease of having someone to listen to you all the time. You don't have to think twice about calling up, worry about what he'll think about you if you call at some godforsaken time, don't have to choose words when you are feeling blue. its like having an 'honorary' girlfriend.

3) I am essentially a nocturnal creature. Nights are my specialty. The problem with this is that,when I'm in my peak moods, everyone else is asleep. I'll be dying to talk to someone and I'll call up my best friend A. But she is dead to the world as soon as the clock strikes 10. (Btw, I love her so much, she is the single person in the world who knows every single thng in my life. I can say any damn thing to her without fear that she'll judge me by them, no matter however outrageous or absurd my thoughts are. She is really priceless).

4) I was just browsing through my phone's gallery. I came upon my cousin's kid's pic. She is veryyyy cute and an original piece. The kind of tantrums that kid throws!! Anyway, this was a really sweet pic with a toothy smile. i was line " Crap, man!! Why the hell did I grow up??" This is something my friend and I ask each other every single day. Lfe was much simpler when we were kids. Not to worry about anything beyond homework, no crappy boyfriends,no 'staying alone' woes( like laundry and cooking and what not), no project deadlines, nothing. (Now aren't I sounding like an 80 year old Grandma? Nice). When parents say something so 'parentish', we can't roll your eyes and say," Why are grownups like this?" coz we are the grownups now. I don't mind that quite so much though. Like all younger kids in family, I always wanted to grow up fast. But it would definitely have been simpler to be young, fr then everyone tells you what to do. You don't have to burn your head thinking and deciding and all that crap. Yes, life is so much simpler when one is a kid.

How could I not love you??
For you were, and you are, divine;
One of a kind,forever good,
The kind who gives one
A reason to live.

I might forget to breathe,
Forget to eat and drink
Forget to talk and listen
But never ever would forget how to love you!!

You aren't mine;
You never were, and ofcourse
You never will be,
But I don't mind.

Even if you don't love me,
See or hear me,
It is enough for me
That you exist; for me to love,
For I can't exist without loving you.

They say that the love which is pure
Real and great
Does come back
To the one who waits.

I'll wait here all eternity,
If that were the case,
If not, too bad,but
I'd still be waiting anyway.

I daren't hope anymore,
For it hurts,
When hopes are broken...
I daren't think anymore
For it opens,
That hole in my chest,
Where my heart used to be.
I daren't picture your face
For fear that then
I'll never be able to rub it away.
I daren't remember your voice
For it pushes me down
That dark crevice
Which I'm crawling out of.
It pains to think of you,
It pains not to think
It pains when I'm awake
And it pains when I'm asleep.
Someday, when this pain has numbed,
I'll lock you away
In the chest of memories..
Forever and forever...
SOMEDAY...