So.....

Anudr year is goin.....and ofcourse, a new one is cming in:-)

I don't have much in way of resolutions,coz I don't believe in taking(or keeping) resolutions. However,I have decided to do certain things in the new year.

1.Dump my boyfriend.He is getting way too much for me to handle...

2.Respect myself slightly more than I have done this past year.

3.Stop trying to talk to a certain friend of mine till he talks to me(Well,this one is impulsive and is subject to change).

In general,take no shit from anyone.

That's it,more or less. I'll have to see how much of these am really gonna carry out.

Frankly,this year hasn't been too great. Neither to me,nor to the 'global community' at large.

I have messed up my life big time with a lousy boyfriend,a monster project guide,and a cranky landlady. And ofcourse I still am staying away from home:-(. On the bright side,my studies are looking good and I've finally made up with my roommate:-).

Im really not gonna go into the details of how the global community suffered this year.I have got enough things to worry about already.

I'll just say bye to everyone who passed away this year,u knw,the final bye(I'll say hi to the newborns when the year starts, i dont think they'll be able to hear it yet).

So,bye bye 2008....

Since I don't drink,I'll toast u with my waterglass;-)))

To 2008.....

P.S: I am home for the New year after 2 whole years.I've made plans to roam around with friends the whole day,yaayee...!!

It has been a fortnight past that black wednesday which India would probably never forget. I wanted to write n say quite a lot about it. But everytime I started to, I just couldnt bring myself to do it. I was so possessed by anger and sadness and shame and many other things I couldn't fathom. I don't think I have gotten over it yet, I dunw if I ever would,I dunw if any of us ever would.

My mom called me up at 6.00 just like evryday. Generally I talk to her and go back to sleep. But that day there was this upsetting piece of news she gave me,which ruled out sleep altogether; not just that morning,but for almost a week afterwards.

We Indians are no strangers to bomb blasts and the like. But they are all over in a jiffy and what we get to knw are very impersonal statistics. But this feeling of utter helplessness,of just being able to stand by and watch this misery,was something new,and all the more disgruntling. I knew I was as safe as could be in Pune,but my heart was bleeding for all those dear,familiar places,for that busy,bustling city I love so much.

A lot has been said about what all the government could have done to avoid this attack,about their impassiveness,about the poor people who died,about the heroes who laid down their lives....
I don't wanna go into all that. The one gud thing that came out of all the devastatin,accordin to me is that,it brought out the unity in diversity for which India is very famous. All communities and ppl are coming out to support the victims,against the govt,and generally,against the heinous concept of terrorism.

The Pakistani media has been an expressing a really stupid wish of theirs,that India would perish if it keeps pointing a finger at Pakistan. Thats what the terrorists want too ,I guess. They have been trying for 61 yers.But they havent suceeded till now. N they never will. As long as we have people like Hemant Karkare,Ashok Kamthe,Vijay Salaskar,Sandeep Unnikrishnan etc who give up their todays so that v can hav a better tomorrow,they will never b granted their wish. They might encroach to our territory,enrage our hospitality and kill our compatriots,but they will never terrorize us. We won't let them to.

I made a mistake;

I sent you away

When I realized it,

It was too late.

I tried to call you back

But the distance had widened so

That you couldn't come

Even if you wished.

Across the distance,

Swimming against all odds

When you did come to me,

I did the unforgivable;

I turned you away.

I made two mistakes

Both of which cost me you,

But I have no regrets

Maybe it just wasn't meant to be.

My eyes will watch you forever

My ears will be cocked for your footsteps

My soul will yearn for

You and you only

I'll be yours

For as long as I live.

I've lost measure

Of how much I love you,

I have loved you,or how much

I will love you...

Still I can't tell you that

I LOVE YOU.

This loneliness...
Eating away at me
Like a pack of crabs...
Gnawing at my flesh,
Cracking that soul beneath.

In heart's way
I've done a wrong;no
I have sinned;
I have loved you
And I'm paying penance.

Broken dreams...
Like sharp edges of looking glass
Pricks me and pricks me
Till I'm raw with grief.
I'll die a thousand deaths
Only if this pain would go away...

Why did I dream yesterday,
Of a tomorrow with you?
Why did I dream dreams
Which were never to be true?
Why did I dream of a dream
Which died befor it was born?
Why, why...??

I made a common mistake,
Thought my love was destiny
When it wasn't to be..
Now,
When destiny is so far away,
My road to it is broken
My road ends at twilight
In the depths of darkness
Though it was to guide me
To a new dawn...
Where do I go now??
To whom do I turn now??

Today,almost 4 years later I thought of the guy I had my first crush on. Well,not first crush,first serious crush;which lasted more than a week:-); which still has a haunting quality,a long time after I convinced myself that I'm totally over him.

I was listening to a song from the movie Dilkabaddi, a sad song actually,the guy pining for the girl type. And, I dunno, it just came back all of a sudden,with a tinge of nostalgia. I was 14 years old again, back at school. He was 2 years ahead of me.We had absolutely nothing in common,save for some common friends and a sunsign. I don't remember how or why I'd fallen for him. With all the innocence typical of that age I believed it was true love,till the end. Not only didn't he reciprocate my feelings, he actually thought I was just a silly little girl. It didn't matter to me much at that time, I was content to just go on like that. I had resolutely tried to maintain a friendship sort of for a while afterward. But that too dissolved in a haze of confusion; including a cousin,a family friend,3 close friends and a weird guy;long story.

It was the longest crush of my life,perhaps my first love,which lasted 3 whole years,Wow! I have seen him only once after we both left that school. For a long time, I believed that since my love is true, he will come back to me eventually. I dunno if I still believe that. It seems funny now,since he has been a jerk for the time I have known him. But it seems there is a wee twinge in my heart when I think of him. Maybe I'm not as over him as I think;maybe I don't want to be;maybe I just wanna keep him as a bittersweet memory of my first love;maybe...

When the world turned its back on me,
When I was lost in my own world,
When loneliness dogged my footsteps,
I heard a voice calling out my name;yours.

When I'd stopped caring
Stopped laughing and talking,
Was about to stop breathing,
You gave me reason to live.

When I was fumbling
In the dark corners of my mind,
You brought me light,
Love and laughter.

You taught me
To pick up the pieces of my torn life
To jigsaw them together
And go on living.

You taught me
Who'd forgotten but the cynical curving of lips
To laugh,laugh at you,at me,
And laugh at the world.

When you smile,
It was spring again
And when you cried
Dreary winter came.

You and your smile
Where all that mattered...
Your smile,my wings
Can I fly??

You knw,there should be a perfect book for every reader; the one with which u laugh,cry and above all,identify yourself. For me, that book is GONE WITH THE WIND. i don't know how many times i have read it. But i jes dont get bored with it, and can read it any number of times,again and again,continuously. I hadn't known how much i missed it till i read Scarlett. I had left my copy at home when i went this time(that was a paperback neway).

And i wanted to buy its original very badly. So the day my exams were over, i went and bought it, and immersed myself in it too,you can say. Wild horses can't drag me away from it:-)). And my heart is already breaking under the thought that i'll have 2 lend it 2 my friend who had askd me 4 it the very day i bought it:-((.

I dunno,it is the only love story i've ever lakd. Its not totally a love story though,its a period story u can say,love has a very small part in it. Its a classic really. And the only book reading which,i've ever cried:-). And i just love Scarlett o'Hara for all her hardheadedness and shrewdness and all the annoying qualities(?) she has. Let's just say dat i feel a strong kinship and empathy with her. And Melanie is too good to be true.I would love to hav a sister lak her. Ashley is stupid;i dunno how Scarlett could be so in love with him. And Rhett,he's just divine,to say the least. I really have no idea how Scarlett could be so shortsighted as to not see from the first that he loved her so madly. He is,you know, the perfect lover,with all this romantic aura around him. You can eat him with a spoon!!!

I've just finished reading it for the second time after buying it 4 days ago. Its quite a heavy book,with somethin lak 1485 pages. But its actually worth spending all the time reading it.