Bad bad bad hangover :(((

No no, No no, not from drinks, but from sleep :o . I was having a problem from the lack of it recently and today...it's just the opposite. I Love my life x-(...

I've done nothing productive today. I woke up sort of 8.30 ish to the sounds of my boyfriend leaving. After the byes and stuff, I went to sleep AGAIN and woke up at 3 pm... That's like 12 hours.... My own record... ;) And now I'm miserable. I have a bad headache, cold (which was there anyway), and the eternal feeling of LETHARGY. I've been contemplating a walk since 5.... it's 7.30 and I'm still not feeling up to it...I thought a shower would cure it...but it didn't :(

Just one more exam to go....and then, I'm freeeeee.... Yesterday's was a bitch...I just hope I'll pass(fingers crossed).

I'm just watching sex and the city (the series) AGAIN. I just love it. I'm somewhere in the 4th season now. Oh by the way, I saw the movie, Sex and the city 2...which turned out to be slightly disappointing. I wouldn't say it is downright bad, but I wouldn't swear by it as I do with the first movie and the series. Everyone is looking horrible, horrible clothing and it is a bit dragging. Prince of Persia on the other hand was absolutely amazing. I had my doubts about Jake Gyllenhal, but he turned out to be perfect for the part. I can't say the same about Gemma Atherton, she doesn't look the part of the most beautiful woman in the world..but that's okay, she can act.

Okay that's all... I'm climbing into my cocoon of lethargy yet again...

I'm up very early today. It's just turning 5 in the morning. Morning does come very early these days. It is already lighting up. The cold air pouring in belies the summer month. The first of June...brings home happy memories of this very day just a year before ( Well, June 1st has been a rather special day for years now. To someone I love, it was a day of painful memories, and indirectly, because of the same reason, it has been a favourite of mine. Life definitely is full of ironies). I was happy then, I'm happy now. Life has come a full circle,in just one year.

I have been having trouble sleeping for a few days. I have no idea why. It's been taking a bit of a toll on my health. All the weakness and dizziness I've come to associate with my anaemia meds have become something of a constant for a few days. But all that aside, I'm sort of quietly happy today. A sort of resolute peace has settled in my mind.

All the sleeplessness has left too much time on my hand. So my room is unconventionally clean now. And I changed the alignment of my bed and the writing table, in an attempt to bring some light into the room. It seems to have worked. I like it better this way. Except for a slight change, this was how I found this room when I came here. I moved the furniture about somewhat when I got bored. Now I realise with a pleasant jolt that I liked it better the way it was before. As they say, nothing like change to point you in the right direction.

Everyone is starting to go about their daily businesses after the long bank holiday weekend. I plan to give myself some more time to reminisce and then am going to immerse myself in studies. Two more exams to go, and then I' free... at least for a while.

I don't believe in jinxes and that sort of stuff, never have, don't think ever will. I have always thought that stuff like talking too much and too early about things, being too happy about things actually rob you off them...etc too old house-wifey talk, just coined up by people who have nothing better to do with their lives.

This is not the first time it has happened to me. In fact,this has always happened to me, as long as I can remember. Whenever I am happy, as in really really happy (whether or not without for a reason), something or the other always happens to put me off. Well, part of it must be my own fault, since I do take offense at small things (if it is by special people only... anyway). What hurts the most is when you realise that the other person doesn't even care about the fact that you are feeling so miserable. So, the bottomline is, I end up feeling sad and mad and stupid and silly, which I very well might be...still.

I am a fool in love. When I'm in a relationship, I want the full attention of that person. I CANNOT and WILLNOT settle for cursory glances and doing something else while talking to me etc.I am the first one to advocate that being with someone doesn't mean you don't have time for your friends. But hey, it doesnot mean that you have time ONLY for your friends.I mean, I'm a part of your life too, treat me as such...not like some place you go to when you have nothing better to do... I'm not big on endearments either, I'd rather that person didn't call me "darling" or "sweetheart" twenty times in an hour. But I DEMAND full attention. If you'd rather be some place else than be with me or talking to me, then be there, just don't keep me hanging. I've never done that. When I don't like someone who's been hitting on me, I always say "sorry" and look the other way. Then why the hell is this happening to me?

I've never been ignored EVER by anyone I specially care about (others can go to hell ). Attention has never been something I've ever asked for...but I've never lacked it either...Sometimes it has been unwanted,but I've always had it...from my friends,family,old boyfriends...everyone I've come into contact with basically...So this want for it is something new...and I'm hating it.

I've always been told, and I know this myself...You can't have everything...no one can... still I want everything...That is EXACTLY why I call myself stupid...

I don't know who this poem is by, a friend sent it to me and I wanted to share it. It's beautiful...

Over mountains, over trees
Over oceans, over seas
Across the deserts
I'll be there

In a whisper on the wind
On the smile of a new friend
Just think of me
And I'll be there

Don't be afraid, oh my love
I'll be watching you from above
And I'd give all the world tonight to be with you
'Cause I'm on your side, and I still care
I may have died, but I've gone nowhere

Just think of me, and I'll be there

On the edge of a waking dream
Over rivers, over streams
Through wind and rain
I'll be there

Across the wide and open sky
Thousands of miles I'd fly
To be with you
I'll be there

An appeal to everyone: please ignore my previous post, I liked it, so don't want to delete it...but it no longer holds valid. I guess it was wishful thinking at the least and wild hallucination at the most...I guess most of us have been there, done that... Wanting to believe something which really isn't true...So please just dismiss it as the foolishness of a 21 year old...

I'm good at handing out advice to one and all..I think it is time I took my own advice and stay away from inter gender socialization...It is too damn painful to be taken lightly...

When you feel hurt, you need to remember that it is you who is hurting yourself and nobody else. You are the only person who has the power to do that. You let your guard down when you do stupid things like loving someone, expecting something of someone. Then you put your heart into someone else's hands for them to do as they please. You lose control of your life,your emotions and you end up as a mess. That, is exactly what I don't need. That, is exactly what I'm not going to do anymore. This is me, taking back control of myself,my life...

Well, I'm not feeling much better after this rant. Still, I'll say this much more...I knew there was a reason I hated "people" as a species...

I'm in the sea of bliss,with

Happy thoughts floating around me

All anxieties,sadness and wistfulness

As far from me as possible.

I'm swimming about,

In the wonderful sea of love,

With my lover's arms around me

His being with me against all odds

His love glowing in my heart

Like an eternal candle...

I have all I could ever wish for...

Isn't this what dreams are made of???

I hate noise

I hate the sounds I hear

Crowding me out till

I can no longer

Hear the voices in my head.

They dwarf me out till

I no longer exist;

Till I hide in dark shadows

And try not to exist.

They scare me,

Disturb me,

Make me want to stop breathing

Just to stop hearing.