It has been an awesome Holi this year... Holi in London!!!

We had a small scale celebration in the student housing, you know, just a few friends sort of thing. It was huuuge fun :). Some of our friends got up early and went to east London( the desi area basically) to get Gulaal. We were all to assemble in the Common Room and then start lol. One guy had even made water balloons and brought a large water bottle to stand in for a Pichkari !!!!! It was really really really niceeee!!!! Had lots of fun today, throwing gulaal and water and balloons and just running about lol ;).

Oh and did I mention, the moving in thing with my friends, that has fallen right through. Some misunderstandings and ego problems,issues like that. Incidentally I did face some problem with residential people with regard to that since they had already found me a replacement and then they had to find her a place as well etc etc etc... Well, All is well that ends well... So I am back in my room, well, atleast till the end of April when our contract ends.

Well, ya that's all. I need to read 6 papers for a discussion with my project guide tomorrow!!!! :( I am a lazy lazy creature who has been neglecting her work!!! LOL, so what else is new???!!!

It is 6 months today to the day you have been buried. 6 months!!!!! They have passed in the blink of an eye!! Suddenly it struck me today, that it has been 6 months... 6 months!!!!

Not a very easy half year, but I have survived. I know you'll be proud of me. Of course there have been some whining-crying times...but...utna to banta hai right???

I guess anybody who reads this blog must have gotten bored with me writing about you all the time. I don't know, I think of a new topic to write, and that is you, I think again and there you are again!! All of a sudden, my life is all about you (Well, I guess it always was, I just didn't realise it then).

People keep telling me, that I have to move on. I have to start thinking about new things,new people and stop thinking about you so much. But... how is that possible??? You have been the main presence in my life for atleast 6 years... and am just 21, so they have been my formative years right..How can I stop thinking about someone who was vital in my life in the most important years of my life??

But now it is not so bad,you know. I don't always get that feeling of absolute loss when I see your picture or think about you. I even talk to you sometimes, very normally. And I don't cry very easily when some random thought of yours comes to mind. I'm coping, aren't I?

But then all of a sudden, it strikes me that it has been only 6 months, a very difficult 6 months, in fact the horriblest 6 months I have known in my short life... and I have an eternity in front of me without you; a whole life,years and years..... I dunno, nothing was written in stone,but I sort of had this feeling that you will always be there,you know, just being there for me, as you have always been. Or rather this possibility had never occurred to me that one day, I might have to face life, face the world without you at my side...

My grief knows no limits,

My tears flow unhindered,

For it is about you,

It has always been about you.

A hollowed feeling gnaws my heart

A feeling that I'm alone in this world...

It might be my mistake,

It might be just a feeling;

For it is my sun who has set...

For it is my life which has lost horizons...

There is a Jewish Cemetery in between my University Campus. Whenever I pass by it, I recall a lonely grave back home....

It is not made of stone like the ones here, it is not covered with snow and mud and doesn't look overgrown and neglected. It isn't left alone in the middle of nowhere...

It is a black granite gravestone,brand -new, well tended... Fresh flowers are kept on it every day...Loved ones visit it regularly.....

6 feet below the ground, 6 feet in length... 5100 miles away from where my body is... lies my heart...which still beats in the world where you don't breathe.....

Your sound was music,

Your laugh was light,

Your words were

What made me live...

You were whom

I lived for...

I lost you,

Life,Love,Meaning... Over.

Every day I live

Every breath I take

I still take

For you, and you only...

For I can't throw away the life,

You didn't have the chance

To live.....

There was a rainbow box,

In which I hid my colours,

I kept them locked away

From all eyes,but mine.

When I opened the lid today,

The colours had all but lost their shine

But still,they were my colours,

They were my dreams wrapped in tinsel.

Those dreams,which I'd nurtured as a child,

Those dreams,which were once my reason to live,

Those dreams,which made me who I am,

Those dreams,which were mine and only mine.

As I grew,I started to think,

As I thought, I realized things...

I realized that, those colours,

Those dreams of mine,..

They never would've made it

Out of that box anyway...

They never would've painted my life

Yellow, and Red and every other colour...

They never would've gone out

Into the world, and made it a better place.

As realization stormed my brain,

I closed the lid on my rainbow box once more

Only to open it and wonder

How different life would've been

If I'd let my colours out....

As I had promised, I am back with my news.... (Well, that means I am in a better mood today lol)

We are all moving out of the student accomodation next month. There are about eleven of us, we have rented 2 two-bedroom flats facing each other and we are going to move in early next month yaayeeeee :D.

Actually one of the flats is available from next week and the other by the beginning of March. So we are moving in as and when those of us staying in college accomodation find replacements [which all of us have got incidentally, the only thing is the female who wants to move in mine wants to take it only by next month :( ]

Ya, well, so that's my big huge newss..... I am super excited !!!!!!!! It's gonna be awesome!!!!!yeaaaaaaa :D

There are people who go about their lives in the normal way, and then... there's me.

I have no idea what is wrong with me (well, something is, I can bet on that). My mood swings have become almost legendary, as in, I am happy and sunny and shiny one moment and then wham!!! I am all dark and moody and cloudy... I mean, that is not normal is it??

My whole life is sort of falling apart around me... people dying, people having accidents, people falling sick.... That could be a reason you know...my way of dealing with it or whatever...Dear God, I need help, don't I !!!!

But that is no excuse for picking fights with people around me,my friends, cousins,my mom... Well, I always knew I am not at all approachable when in a temper..but now, it's almost everyday... Not a day passes when I don't fight with someone for some stupid reason... I really need to get my brain rewired!!!!!

It could be this place too, you know, ever since I came here everything has been going wrong... with me, my family, friends...everyone!!! It is messing with my schedule, my whole life!! The most haunted city in the world is playing some tricks on me huh... lol lol ;)

I don't normally talk around people I don't know really well..but generally, once I get to know them, I am an unstoppable force of nature.. but my nature, my whole personality is sort of undergoing a change. I don't talk much even with friends, I prefer to remain silent. I don't know, when everyone is talking, I don't feel like, I feel like I'll be adding my volume too to the collective noise, which would get to be too much for my tolerance.

This is just a random post. As you might've guessed, I am in one of those moods now and needed a catharsis... Gotta go now... So long...

PS: My best friends here are leaving for a study tip to Brussels, Amsterdam etc... Gonna be a boring week. Btw we are all moving out from college accomodation and moving in together. Will relate that story when in a better mood.