In Memoriam M -Part 2

To M....

I know I can't hold on to you forever. I know I'll have to let you go at some point. And believe me, I've been trying,and trying hard...

I didn't just shrivel up and cry when you left all of a sudden, I didn't stop living my life, as much as I wanted to. For the past 5 months I've been trying my damnedest, trying like hell to just be normal, to go back to what I was before you arrived. Don't get me wrong here, my life has been all the more better because you were there, but now, when you are not there, I find it really really really difficult to live with even your memories. It is especially difficult sometimes. Some days it takes everything I have, every ounce of willpower I ever possessed to just get out of the damn bed and go about my business.

I never gave up on anything, not even the hope that you will ultimately come back some day... not yet...even when I know that the place you went is a place from where no one ever comes back...the eternal home from where there is no return. I still hope because that is the one thing I learnt from you, to hope even in the most impossible situations, to never give up on anything...I'm doing everything I can to move on... I can't be free of you, I never will be and I never want to be.. But I want this all-blinding pain in my chest to end, whenever I think of you, I want this lump which crops up in my throat at the mention of your name to go away , I want my tears not to flow every time I think of our times spent together...

I know I can't hold on to a dead guy forever and keep reminiscing of the good times gone.....But it was a hell of a good time... Thank you for all the memories... thank you for being there for me every single time...thank you for listening to my endless worries and meaningless mumbo-jumbo even in the dead of the night.....thank you for just being YOU...!!!

I love you as I always have,

I miss you as I always will..

But it's time to put you to rest..

It's time to set you free...

I shall think of you,

As free and not as gone..

I shall dream of you

As free and not as lost....

I love you,

I miss you,

But I'm letting you go....

I'm letting you rest at last.....

I CANNOT SLEEP...

I cannot bloody sleep..I have no idea why. I've been sleeping all of 4 hours for,like, days and those too festered with freaky dreams from which I wake up almost crying,yes,crying. I have no idea what the hell is wrong with me!!!!!

I forgot to write about my new year resolution and b'day resolution in the previous one.

New year resolution is that I will quit drinking, which I have. I did take a shot on my b'day because my friend insisted that if I don't, nobody else will,that's the only lapse so far.

My birthday resolution is a bit harder. I will not be bitchy and mean anymore, I'll be sweet :), I'm trying to keep that one.

Btw, I am applying for PhD studentships now, for October 2010. Nice,rte :)

The first post of the new year !!!

Okay.. welcome to my very first post of the new year. I've been really lazy all this while, mainly because classes hadn't started yet after the vacations. So I was just content to stay in my room and sleep :).

About the New Year's Eve:- In the morning I went to the Greenwich Observatory with my friends,walked on the Universal Time Meridian and shivered a lot in the extreme cold..lol...

I had sort of tried to organise a party for the new year's eve at the student housing, but it didn't materialise since different people wanted to celebrate new year differently (rolling eyes). So we just sort of had a get together, the ones who wanted to spend the new year my way, that is, we just hanged out and talked, went for dinner at an Indian restaurant in Whitechapel (yes,Jack the Ripper's place lol ), then we headed to Central London to see the main new year fireworks. So we had to get down in between because the tubes got closed because of the rush. So we walked to the bank of the Thames by the London Eye. The fireworks was kind of short, but they were amazing and awesomely beautiful :D. It was worth standing in the cold for 2 hours waiting for it.My only wish for the new year was that please please please don't let it be like the previous one. Please don't let it be as depressing and sad as 2009..... After that we came back (travel was free by the way) to the common room at the housing of our doctor friends and talked and played and had tea etc etc . Finally got home to bed by about 7 in the morning :).

About turning 21:- Well, I turned 21 in the new year. It was really nice...and tiring. I thought my friends had all gone to bed, I couldn't find anyone online and I'd just had a fight with one of them 2 days before. I was just talking to one of my best friends and telling her that everyone's sleeping etc and we are having a party in the evening etc etc and there is a rap on the door :). Voila!!! that's every one :) :) :). We had a nice time 'pastry cutting' and all that ;). We made a whole video of it and it was really really nice. The party was... well, really tiring because we walked from pub to pub to fill everyone's criteria, dancing and boozing and disco music and no entry fee..... finally we came back to the common room of my housing to celebrate... that was the best part. One of my friends,poor guy, got stranded because of a lecture that ran late... and he had to come tube-hopping from here and there whenever we changed venues lol. All in all, it was nice, and my closest friends,they had made a video for me..which was very sweet :D.

Now back to classes, they are seriously starting to scare me. Should start studying properly now. Net is down in the housing for the weekend... so I started to type this in the library, but now relocated to the study area because the library closed for the day. Gotta go now.... So long...!!!!!!